I’m in such desperate need for a job and money. I should be stoked as all hell that i just scheduled TWO interviews with companies I’d be honored to work for. But I am not stoked as all hell. I am completely stressed and I have hardly stopped crying. It doesn’t even make sense, it sounds crazy to even me.
The thought of an interview… being put on the spot with questions, hell just having to walk through these businesses to find the employee that will interview me is enough to send me into an episode of tunnel vision, hyperventilation and instability to speak. My anxiety is truly debilitating in every sense of the word. I feel like I’m on this endless ride. I can’t get a job because of my anxiety. I can’t get professional help because I can’t afford it. Why can’t I afford it? Because I don’t have a paycheck, from a job.
I’ve worked 4 jobs in about a year and a half. It happens everytime- I start working, things are fine until they’re not and when they’re not I’m 100% done. I just quit. I quit every job I’ve ever had. To be honest with you, I’ve scheduled probably 6-8 interviews during the last few months that I just didn’t show up to. And there have been countless followups I ignored for whatever reason I could come up with at the time. I’m literally running out of companies to apply with.
I don’t even know what to say or do anymore. I have no idea how I’m going to become a productive member of society ever.
Wednesday update: I couldn’t bring myself to make it to either of these interviews. I’m so sad.