i miss you.

 it just felt so good to get lost with someone who truley knew what it was like. Who traced my brain and was amazed by all my thoughts, saddened by my feelings and empowered by my survival.

We shared a past so very tarnished and a present so very reckless, and although i know your innocent eyes were stolen so young, i only ever looked at you in the purest sense.

We were dangerous for each other but it worked, we got through our days of darkness. Just the fearlessness of being with you, the freedom and the way the world could not reach us. It was through our friendship we almost destroyed ourselves. And i miss that feeling of being in a situation so fucked up. For two kids so young, from the nights in random towns at random houses, so very far from where we belonged. to the days on your garage floor, robotusin by our side and carlessness in our heart. I remember at school, when the school counsellor looked at our scars and called us “an entity” telling our parents we should be apart “a danger to each other”. But we were so bound together co-dependent on our behaviour, we fed off each others energy and destroyed everything we touched. Boys and booze and christians and medicine and razors and flesh. Pharmecuticals and cigarettes, toilet blocks and carparks, trains and late nights, men and bribes. Hospitals and harry potter.

Mabye we say too much too young. Young minds haunted by the ghosts in our bedroom. we grew up fast and were exhausted by 16. but i wouldnt change were i had been with you.

We were raised as rubbish and planned to leave as collateral damage. We planned our deaths, to leave at age 18.

Yet here we are, 2 separate lives so very much changed from our younger counterparts. But even though we may not talk to much, it brightens me that i see your life changed. And mine too. Two grown ups, products of their pasts.

and after these years, our secrets still remain sealed. From victim to survivor, ive seen the shift. And ive seen a damged girl grow to a beautiful woman.

“i am sending you out as sheep among wolves, be as wise as serpents but innocent as doves”